Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.
Breathe, my friend. You are not old, you are young. You are not a mess, you are normal. Extraordinary, perhaps. In the blink of an eye your life will change. And it will continue to change for decades to come. Enjoy it, embrace it… be grateful for the ride. You are not old, you are young. And faith will get you everywhere. Just you wait.
It wasn’t the gift that made her smile, it was the proof you were thinking of her.
A plea: If you are reading this, and you are struggling, please don’t give up. Whoever you are. Don’t give up. Keep reaching out. Keep asking for help. Please? I’m so happy you’re still here. I’m so glad I’m still here. Let’s all keep it that way, okay? Please. Let’s all do everything we can to make it to the next sunrise, and the one after, and the one after that. Hang in there, god dammit. No feeling is final. Shit washes off. And life is beautiful. So fucking hold on.